Hi Tori, thank you very much for your comment and for sharing that you, with the help of your family, you’ve come to realize that you may be an empath.

Being one is an extremely beautiful, challenging, incredible thing. To my mind, the positives involved with such are a great blessing and while being an emapth is not without its challenges, I wouldn’t trade those for the world if it meant I had to give up being an empath.

I’m tremendously sorry that you’re battling social anxiety and dealing with a lot of negative energy in general.

It’s incredible, isn’t it, how profoundly these kinds of things can impact countless aspects of our lives.

Delving in any sort of in-depth sense into providing advice in either case is beyond the scope of a wee blog comment like this, but in general I would suggest the following:

-Make self-care a serious priority. I recently reviewed the excellent book A Modern Witch’s Guide to Magickal Self-Care by Tenae Stewart here on my blog, and suggest that you check out that post.

If it’s possible for you to pick up this book and/or others pertaining to self-care, you may wish to do so as they are often chocked full of handy, realistically doable ways to start or strengthen one’s self-care routine. (Of course, the web is teeming with wonderful self-care advice, too, and it is no way imperative that you buy anything – books or otherwise – to focus on self-care.)

-Become comfortable with saying “no”. So often in life, it comes naturally for many of us (especially, I would argue, for us introverts, HSPs, and empaths) to say yes to plans and requests that we might not actually want to do or take part in. Constantly saying yes when our gut/heart/brain is screaming to say “no” can quickly impact us negatively, drain our energy, and potentially end up making us feel unhappy, used/taken advantage of/walked all over, or more anxious/stressed.

You do not need, in most cases at least, to justify your “no”. Deliver it kindly and with an explanation, if so desired, but don’t be afraid to simply say “While I appreciate you thinking of me, that isn’t something I’m able to do/be a part of.” (Or a similar statement that works for the situation at hand.)

-Do more of what you love. While it isn’t possible for most of us to spend our days entirely focused on our passions/hobbies/interests, a lot of the time, the more we push these areas aside, the greater our stress and anxiety levels stand to be.

Try to find a way to spend even just 10 or 20 minutes more a day on activities or pastimes that bring you happiness, are relaxing, and which help you to feel less stressed or anxious.

If possible, try to carve out whole days (or at least blocks of several hours) periodically to just do whatever you want.

As a born workaholic, this is something I long struggled with myself, and while it still doesn’t always come completely naturally to me, I now have years of experience with allowing myself such days and can attest to what an extraordinarily positive benefit they have on my mental, physical, and spiritual health alike.

-Talk about your problems/worries/stresses/etc! This is another area that has rarely come naturally to me. Between how I was raised, being a shy introvert (as well as an HSP and an empath), and naturally favouring privacy as a general rule, openly discussing my troubles, things I struggle with, or which otherwise prove detrimental to my health and wellness, has not come easily or naturally.

However, there too, I’ve learned that pushing myself beyond my comfort zone and doing so can have staggeringly positive outcomes. (In 2019, I experienced the worst ongoing severe depression thus far of my life and talking through some of it was immeasurably helpful. That really sealed the deal, so to speak, for me, in terms of making sure I speak up when the going gets tough!)

-If such is possible, and you enjoy it, spend time outdoors on a regular basis. We, as a species, we not designed to be inside and/or to stare at electronic screens all day.

We are all born of nature and many of ours souls are immensely at peace, soothed, helped, and inspired by nature. You need not scale a mighty mountain or swim for miles in the sea to experience nature, of course. Something as seemingly simple as a nature walk, bird watching, tending a garden, or building a snowman in the chilly months can all help to relax, uplift, and better our lives.

Again, these are just a few ideas that barely begin to delve into ways to help counterbalance things like anxiety (be it social or otherwise) and negative energy, but they are often effective and have the added benefit or not necessarily be beyond the scope of many peoples’ lives.

I really appreciate your comment and sincerely hope that as 2021 unfolds, you are able to reach a point of greater positivity and happiness.

Sending blessings of wellness and abundant positive energy your way,
♥ Autumn

Hi Autumn!

My family recently brought to my attention that I am an Empath. After doing some research I can see why they have come to this conclusion. It runs in my family, not all of us are empaths though, of course. I was wondering if you have any advice for me? I struggle with social anxiety and I have found myself in a lot of negative energy that I cannot seem to shake… Loved your blog!

Hello lovely Aline, thank you wholeheartedly for your extremely kind message and for not only following my (retired) vintage blog, but for opting to connect with me here as well.

That is very meaningful and not something I take lightly or for granted in the slightest. 🙏

We share many points in common when it comes to being shy, introverted souls – and like yourself, I too have a profoundly challenging time with, and aversion to, phone calls (to the degree that, sometimes, it veers into full-on telephonophobia territory).

Definitely! While it isn’t always easy and can drain me faster than a bathtub, I’ve long been able to “front” so to speak, as being more outgoing/social than I really am in certain circumstances.

At times, I’ve enjoyed adopting this more gregarious approach, but it is a concentrated, often challenging effort and one that I’d not want to have to deal with daily again (as I did, for example, in school and when working in the public sphere).

It’s awesome that you are okay with embracing your introversion (as, IMO, introverts everywhere should).

Being an introvert is not a fault or shortcoming, nor something to be embarrassed or self-conscious about.

We all fall somewhere on the introversion-ambiversion-extroversion spectrum and will have certain social/interpersonal skills that come more naturally to us than others.

As the old, smile-inducing saying goes… “Introverts of the world unite (separately)”.

Thank you again very much, Aline. May you have a serene, safe, happiness-filled month of March.

♥ Autumn

Thank you so much for this detailed post, fueled with your personal experience.

I’ve been called “shy” for years (and still am!) but I’m not! I don’t mind speaking in public, not blending in the crowd. However, while I love teamwork and being surrounded by friends, at some point I feel the need to take some space for myself in a quiet environment. Not to mention that crafting is a very important part of my life. I avoid crowded and noisy places as much as possible, they make me feel anxious (big parties included!). I’m reluctant to call or answer the phone when I don’t know the speaker. Weirdly, I really fear being alone when it’s not my own choice so I’m quite good at making friends. It’s not natural for me to go towards others so I developed an ability to switch to a “social version of me” but it’s taking me a lot of energy! Ice-breaking parties (before Covid) at work and networking are a big challenge! Have you experienced that too?

And here’s a fun fact: last year I went to a professional training session where everything was made in teams (that was pre-Covid) so I found myself with a bunch of total strangers. I met a girl who I felt connected to immediately (I always need time to trust people I’ve just met so this is very exceptional). She was an empath and we have become close friends!

So I seem to definitely be an introvert, I’ve been suspecting that for years and I’m ticking a lot of boxes here. And you know what? I’m OK with this 😊 And that’s great to know you’re not the only one.

Thank you again for your care & kindness, Autumn.

Sweet Sanne, it is my very deepest of heartfelt pleasures. Thank you wholeheartedly for sharing so openly about how these roles have come into play in your own life.

I cannot reiterate enough that there is, really and truly, nothing wrong about being an introvert – whether one was born that way or found they developed into an introvert as their life progressed.

It’s excellent (and very healthy) that you were able to recognize this shift in yourself and to acknowledge that you now experience “social hangover” (goodness, am I intimately acquainted with that state as well) – amongst other more introverted attributes.

Based on what you described, you certainly embody some of the major empath traits, so you could be one – you just never know. Of course, one does not have to be/identify as an empath to have empath and to care deeply for others. Indeed, it is arguably those who lack or (worse) are completely devoid of these feelings and thought processes that should be, IMO, the exception, not the norm – even if it doesn’t always seem that way in today’s often cut-throat society of extremes.

I can attest abundantly that you are an incredibly caring, thoughtful, generous, loving, supportive, and warmhearted person – and that these (and other) wonderful elements of who you are have long blessed my life and, no doubt, helped to cement our friendship all the more.

Many, many hugs & the absolute happiest of Halloween season wishes!
♥ Autumn