Though I’ve mentioned my birthday in passing sometime around its date in each of the previous two years Witchcrafted Life has been online, I have not yet devoted a post to the subject.

Having decided by early June that I wanted to do so this time around, I began brainstorming a slew of possible topics to write about on this front.

Various ideas stuck in my mind for a few days at a time and, I have no doubt, each would make for a lovely entry unto itself.

However, the concept at the heart of today’s post is the one that soared above the rest and as a result, is what I am sharing with each of you on this, my 38^th (GF) cake day.

While in the most literal of senses, the word “truth” is precisely that. The factual actuality of a situation, event, statement, and so forth.

Yet, we each have our own truths as well. Many are likewise factual, but in a way, when dealing with the subject of personal truths, the word “truth” can almost become synonymous with others such as “lessons”, “experiences”, or even “battles”.

To my mind, certain truths are indesputable. The earth is round, we 100% went to the moon, death is inevitable, and Halloween is the best holiday of all time!

Okay, maybe that last one is more of a personal opinion, but you can see where I am going with this all the same.

The following list is not an exhaustive one and I delight in thinking that come five, fifteen, or (if I am immensely fortunate) fifty years from now, it would be both longer and contain other lessons/truths that I have yet to encounter or which are being learned as we speak.

I am not saying that these entries apply to everyone and completely understand that some of them might not jive with your own outlook on life. That is completely okay!

After all, we often differ in varying ways from one another and this is amongst the most beautiful and inspiring aspects of the human experience.

After a profoundly difficult and very long labour that very nearly claimed both of our lives, on a sizzling hot July night in 1984 my mother brought me into this world. A few hours later, a powerful summer thunderstorm raged outside the hospital windows as a first-time mom and her early – but not quite premie – infant snuggled together. Exhausted, elated, and bonded more closely than two adjacent atoms from that moment onward.

Like many of us, at this point in my life, I could easily pen a multi-volume autobiography of my life (the last decade alone could probably fill an entire library shelf! ). This post is not the Reader’s Digest version of that.

No, it is a list of some of the most important, meaningful, impactful, and valuable things I have come to call my own truths + life lessons thus far after nearly four decades of calling this ol’ spinning rock of ours home.

And while I could, likewise, speak at substantial length about each of the following points, given that birthdays should generally be lighthearted times of mirth and merriment, I didn’t want to delve too exhaustedly.

Most, if not all, of these statements speak for themselves so the addition of just a few more words or lines to expand on them feels right to me at present.

Take what you wish from them, agree or disagree, and remember that the rapidly perishing art of civility is one that we can all do our part to keep from giving up the ghost entirely.

38 of The Most Important Truths I Have Learned in My 38 Years of Life

1. Always do the right thing, even when no one is looking. In fact, it is all the more important to do the right thing when you are not being watched. It is often easy to act in front of others in the way(s) we believe they want us to, but the true measure of a person’s character comes from what they do when there are few, if any, eyes (or cameras, for that matter) on them.

2. It is okay to help someone carry their baggage, but remember that you are no one’s porter but your own. Often in life, what starts out as innocently aiding another person with their troubles can quickly spiral into you getting trapped under the weight of someone else’s problems, stresses, or hardships.

There is rarely anything wrong with being helpful. However, it is vital to always remember you are not here to hold up the weight of the entire world for anyone else (especially, fellow adults) – no matter how much you love and care about them.

3. Sometimes failing is vastly more beneficial than succeeding. Winning or achieving our goals is fantastic, but there are time when far greater lessons lie in not being the first to cross the proverbial finish line – or, in some cases, ever crossing it at all.

Lick your wounds, if applicable, study what went off the rails or could have been done differently, and instead of wallowing in defeat or failure, use what you learned to propel you forward as a stronger, wiser human being.

4. We miss 100% of the shots we don’t take. This line comes from hockey legend (and fellow Canadian) Wayne Gretzky and, goodness gracious, is it true.

It can be scary (if not downright terrifying sometimes) to push ourselves outside of our comfort zones, to wander even a metre beyond the border of familiarity, or to risk failing spectacularly (see the above point).

Yet, at the same time, the possibility of a positive outcome lies with each shot we take in life and while it is wise to be cautious at times, we do ourselves a profound disservice by not taking a leap of faith and trying the unknown/new/scary sometimes.

5. You are going to get hurt. Likely many, many times. This is normal. While I am not suggesting anyone be a glutton for punishment, trying to hide from situations that may cause us emotional/mental/spiritual pain is like trying to avoid getting wet when you’re caught outside in an open field sans an umbrella during a rainstorm.

It is simply not going to happen.

6. Never depend on another person for your happiness. Early on in life, as I lived through a childhood of immeasurable disfunction and a litany of abuse, I innately discovered (in part due to watching many adults in my life fail to understand this important point about themselves) that I am the one who is most responsible for my own happiness.

Right then and there, before I had even hit a double-digit age, I pledged to consciously choose happiness whenever possible and to remember that I am the person who most powerfully fans the flame of my own inner joy.

That does not mean being pollyannish or naïve, embracing toxic positivity, hiding from difficulty or putting on a false emotional front 24/7, rather that because I do not expect anyone else to make me happy, I owe it to myself all the more to generate my own sense of happiness from deep within my very being.

7. Good manners – as well as kind words – go a very long way. Simple as that.

8. Healthy, loving, respectful relationships take work, but if you constantly feel exhausted/stressed out by them, they are likely not any of those things.

Great relationships are rather like well-oiled and operating machines. Sure, they need tune-ups, inspections, and general maintenance periodically, but they should not require you to work on them 24/7 in order to barely keep them chugging along.

Hard as it can be, sometimes in order to save yourself and return a greater sense of stability/wellness/freedom to your life, you will have to end (or greatly alter the dynamics of) certain relationships.

In the long run, you will almost always thank yourself as you look back marvelling over how long you endured a situation that truly was not working.

9. Learn to laugh at yourself. As someone who is extremely shy, introverted, self-conscious, and prone to anxiety, this has been a tough one for me at times over the years. However, that has only made me more determined to laugh at myself when the situation calls for it.

We all make mistakes and blunders, do silly things unintentionally, find ourselves in embarrassing situations, say the wrong words, and get egg on our face from time to time. So what!

There are far worse things in this world and berating ourselves, lashing out at others, hiding in shame, or fixating on what happened doesn’t change the past, so why fret when you could simply laugh and move on!

10. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again – but also know when to throw in the towel. Ask anyone who knows me well in real life and chances are one of the first words they will use to describe me is tenacious.

Tony even goes so far as to lovingly say I am as stubborn as a bulldog.

And you know what? I will happily take that as the compliment I know he intends it to be.

I will push myself to the extreme, fight tooth and nail to make things that matter to me come to fruition, and not back down easily.

However, at the same time, I have come to learn the value that resides in knowing when to admit that something is just not working out as it should.

There is no shame in that admission. At the end of the day, it usually far better and beneficial to give up trying to fix something that is seriously broken and instead start on a new build that might work out this time around.

11. No one is perfect. Not me, not you, not any mortal being that has ever walked the face of the earth. We all make mistakes, have bad days, say and do things we regret, make poor choices, forget important things, and hurt others (whether we intend to do so or not).

The sooner in life you embrace that, the happier, less stressful, and more easygoing the rest of your existence will be.

While it is fine to hold certain standards in terms of what you hope for/expect from others, remember that we are all just human, all learning, and that in many cases, deserving of a second (or third, etc) chance.

In recent years this point has all been thrown out of the societal window and we are doing nothing but harming ourselves as a species in the process. So, in some instances at least, let’s cut people a bit more slack, remember that the times when we ourselves have fallen short, and don’t be harsher on others for their shortcomings or mistakes than is legitimately warranted.

12. The little things matter a lot. Sure, we might remember the big events, the fabulous vacations, and the annual holidays we observe more than some random Thursday in February, but at the end of the day most peoples’ lives are filled with far more small, often meaningful experiences and joys than mammoth ones.

Value, take note of, share, and try to be thankful for the little things. They are, in fact, far bigger and more important than we often realize in the moment and help to make up the backbone of our existence.

13. Wear whatever you want! This is the 21^st century and, in many parts of the world at least, most people are free to sport anything they choose. As much as I do believe that some attire is better suited to certain settings/occasions than others, I am an even bigger proponent of marching to the beat of one’s own sartorial drum.

This was something I reiterated time and time again when I ran a vintage fashion blog for nearly a decade. This concept holds no less true for me – or anyone else – today than it did back in those delightfully fun 1940s and 50s clothing-filled days.

It can take guts to step out of the current fashion status quo and, yes, you might get some flack, unwanted comments, strange looks, or curious questions, but that is usually no reason to not dress however your heart pleases and your budget permits.

I learned a long time ago that the more I dressed in tune with the style(s) my own heart most adored at the time, the happier and less stressed I was. In speaking to others with unique styles, they have said much the same thing and I animatedly believe it rings true for a good deal of us the world over.

14. Hurt people hurt people. As touched on point #5 on this list, we all experience hurt, pain, sorrow, and negative experiences throughout the course of our lives.

However, the more a person suffers without knowing and/or having the proper outlets to help them cope, heal, process their trauma, speak about their ordeals, and (if applicable) rebuild their lives again, the more likely they are to lash out at others. Using their misplaced pain as a weapon of false power/control and/or way to temporarily block out some of their own suffering

We see this generational trauma, in those who come home from war, in bullying, in survivors of abuse, and countless others.

Some scars may never heal entirely. However, the short-lived, misguided sense of power or emotional pacification we may receive from directing our own pain unjustly at others is never the best route to healing for us and only stands to lengthen the journey for both ourselves and our unwitting victims in the process.

15. Eat ice cream for dinner. Remember when you were a kid and you used to say that when you grew up you would eat ice cream (or candy, chocolate bars, French fries, pizza, etc) morning, noon, and night?

And that you would stay up until 2 am, play video games (or whatever else your young self adored doing for fun) daily, and spend a bunch of time with your friends?

Umm, yeah, so how did those plans turn out?

Somewhere along the line, “adulting” (to use the parlance of the day) entered our lives and in the process, we forgot that a lot of the time, we have the ability to just let loose and embrace fun.

Whether that does in fact involve sitting down to a tub of Cookies and Cream for dinner or not, it is painfully easy to lose sight of the fact that as adults, we often have vastly more autonomy over our own lives than we tend to realize and that there is much to be said for keeping our inner child content no matter how many birthdays we experience.

16. Let it go. Long before Frozen made this wise piece of advice into a saccharine earworm, the principle existed and is no less true today than at any point in human history.

Seriously. Just let it go.

I know, it can hard or frightening to drop our pain, to forgive others (remember that forgiveness does not equate to forgetting and that in the act of forgiving another, we free ourselves further from the grasp of what they did to us), and to let sleeping dogs lie.

And that is all the more reason why we should try to do so. Life wasn’t meant to be easy all the time, but we can often make the road we trod a less difficult one by dropping a lot of unnecessary baggage along the way and mindfully choosing not to let the negatives/challenges/hardship/pain in our life fully define who we are.

17. We need so much less than we think/believe we do to be genuinely happy. Look, I’m not a minimalist and I certainly adore most of what I own.

That said, I can tell you having experienced multiple times in my life when all of my worldly goods fit into just one or two suitcase – and an instance when I had virtually nothing at all – that while material goods can bring us a measure of happiness and have their rightful place in our lives, at the end of the day, we cannot carry any of what we own with us when we cross over to the other side.

Be grateful for what you have. Take stock in the fact that the items you may desire exist in the world and that alone their presence is a wonderful thing unto itself whether you ever obtain them or not, and try not to fill your life with scads of possessions that you don’t actually need or love (and which *may* be transference for other things that are lacking or missing entirely from your world).

18. It is never too late to have a happy childhood. Let’s face it, not that many of us had idyllic youths – and, sadly, some of us scarcely got to experience a sense of childhood point blank.

Yet as American author Tom Robbins astutely reminds us, it is never (or at least rarely) too late to create a sense of the kind of joyful, stable childhood we wish we had later on in our in ourlife.

In the process, I have come to learn, we often do a great deal of inner healing from the difficulties of our early years.

19. Make things for the sake of making them. Not for praise, not to sell, not to flaunt online, not to try and one-up anybody, and, just as importantly, regardless of if you currently excel on a particular creative front or not.

Creating something that was not there before we spun it into being is one of the most rewarding, meaningful, and even cathartic experiences we can have.

Not everything we make will be a winner and that is completely fine. Having fun, letting your creativity take flight, and losing yourself in the moment are each worth far more than even the most valuable painting in the world could fetch at auction.

20. Listen. Really, really listen. Not because you are counting down the milliseconds until it is your turn to talk next, but because you value what the other person is saying (regardless of if you agree with it or not) and respect their right to speak.

There is often just as much – if not more – to be learned from hearing what someone with differing views of life experiences from your own has to say.

It is easy to talk, harder (for many at least) to listen. Hone and actively practise this skill. It will take you far.

21. Get the thing(s) you least want to do out of the way first. Our parents often told us that if we wanted dessert, we had to eat our vegetables first (though, I don’t recall hearing this myself very often as I was that odd kid out who would have happily traded a second helping of carrots for a slice of carrot cake ).

That is an important life lesson that extends far beyond the dinner table.

Instead of putting off or flat out avoiding the difficult elements of your day/week/month, try to tackle them as soon as you possibly can.

The sense of freedom, serenity, and happiness that comes from knowing that they are no longer looming over your head will help you succeed all the more in the other, likely preferable, tasks that lay ahead of you (plus, potentially lift a decent sized weight off of your shoulders in the process).

22. There are (usually) far worse things in life than being offended. Lest Twitter implode at the mere thought, we are going to get offended sometimes. It happens, it is normal, and it does not necessarily mean that someone has actually done anything genuinely wrong towards/against you.

An important part of being a well-adjusted adult is accepting this fact, opting to not make a big deal out of things that do not warrant it, and simply moving on.

23. Spend your money on experiences, not just things. I remember hearing grownups say this when I was little and while I understood and could appreciate the sentiment, it would not be until I was old enough to vote, have a mortgage and all those fun things that hitting the age of 18+ entails that I would fully come to realize just how profoundly right they were.

If you have the means, try to allocate some of your budget for experiences. That doesn’t have to mean lavish vacations, huge parties, or front-row seats at a concert.

It can be taking your aging father on a road trip to his boyhood town (possibly for the last time), attending classes for a skill or area of study you have always wanted to pick up, going out to that incredible restaurant you keep hearing about, or countless other scenarios where the experience you have and the memories you make trump just about any physical item(s) you could have spent that same time and money on.

24. Almost nothing truly worthwhile comes easy. Goals take hard work and time. Success takes failure and perseverance, and excelling in a given area requires dedication coupled with frustration, times when you feel like giving up, and plenty of trial and error along the way.

Good.

More often than not, the harder we work, the sweeter and more meaningful reaching (or even exceeding) our target feels when it does eventually happen.

As the classic adage says, Rome was not built in day, so why should we expect our own lofty undertakings to be any different?

25. Value your elders. Once, not so long ago in the course of human history, it was extremely common + normal for multiple generations of a family to live together under the same roof.

And while, of course, this does still happen in some cases, in some parts of the world at least, it is no longer the norm.

I believe there is often great benefit to surrounding ourselves with those of generations other than our own – very much including those who have been blessed to reach their golden years.

Chances are they’ve learned a thing or two in their time that you could benefit from hearing or being taught how to do.

Sure, you might cringe over some of what your great-grandma says or want to roll your eyes when you aging mom tells you the same story about something that happened when you were a little kid for the 50^th time, but these things are often a small price to pay for the wisdom, love, and life experience that the elderly frequently have to impart to us.

Cherish the older individuals in your life and make sure to let them know just how much they mean to you before it too late.

26. Embrace change. This is a concept that sends a cold shudder down many a spin. I get it, truly I do. However, change accompanies death as one of the only certainties in each of our existences.

You can either exhaust yourself to bone swimming against the current of change, or do your best to float in the direction that it is flowing.

I find it helpful to shift the focus from what may be disappearing or being altered when change occurs and instead on the positives (or, as the case may be, seemingly hidden silver linings) that might soon enter my life.

Plus, what fun would life be if stayed the same day in and day? Change is important, necessarily, and a great opportunity for personal growth.

27. Don’t punish your current romantic interest for the sins, so to speak, of past partners.

This is a toughie. Nearly everyone who has had one or more difficult/abusive/stressful/etc romantic relationships tends to act and respond in certain ways in their next relationship(s) as a result of what befell them in the past.

Yet, it is vital that we give people a chance to show their own true colours before we jump to any conclusions or jeopardize a great thing before it has scarcely got of the ground because of what we experienced with prior partners.

Talk to the person (or people) you are with now, be open about what you’ve gone through and the lasting impacts that/those experiences have had on you (and likewise, give them ample time to share the same with you, if applicable).

You can even ask them to help you further your healing journey and in turn, offer to be a part of theirs. The bond that can stem from this kind of mutual desire to work towards the healthiest, safest, most respectful, and happiest relationship you can realistically share with someone is often worth more than its weight in gold.

28. An eye for an eye only leaves two people partially blind. It is woefully normal to feel the need for retaliation when someone has wronged or deeply hurt you, yet that is rarely (outside of situations where the law should be involved, of course) the best or wisest approach.

Instead of giving into knee-jerk reactions or scheming about how you can get even, remember that hurting someone else to make yourself feel better is about as smart an idea as building a house on quicksand.

It might look good for a moment, but chances are nothing of lasting worth will come of it in the end.

Instead, depending on the situation, it is often far better to speak to the offending party, remove yourself from the situation, or choose to take the highroad and let what they did roll off your back.

29. You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make them drink. Most of us are familiar with this classic expression and there’s a reason for that: it is very true!

No matter how much you may try to help, support, provide for, or otherwise attempt to present a person with what they may need, at the end of the day, they will only learn/change/grow if they want to do so.

Learn how to recognize when you’ve done a reasonable amount and yet nothing seems to be working. Step back at that point and wait to see if the horse gets thirsty or not in the end.

You cannot – and should not! – forcibly change people, so why drive yourself around the bend trying to accomplish the impossible?

30. Always have something to look forward to. It does not have to be big or break bank, but do everything in your power to always have at least one thing that you will enjoy doing/be happy about to look forward to in life.

This was something that was drilled home for me immensely in the years immediately following when (in my teens) I suddenly became a multi-severe chronic illness fighter and so much of my life was turned completely upside down.

For me, no matter what, Halloween / Samhain is something that I look forward to immensely the whole year through.

If I am blessed to have other things to eagerly anticipate throughout a given year, I consider myself very fortunate and lean as much as I can into the sense of hope and positivity that these lovely upcoming events stand to house.

Try to find one or two things that you can look forward to annually and to pepper others that (may) change from year to year into the mix as well.

Knowing that something positive is coming down the pipeline can do an immeasurable amount of good for our psyches, motivation levels, and general day-to-day mood alike.

31. You are going to look back on your younger self and cringe. Likely A LOT.

Whether it was your Flock of Seagulls haircut in the 1980s, the cheesy love poems you wrote in junior high, some of the romantic partners you chose, or a trillion other things, if you have grown and matured further even a little bit over the years, chances are you will wince when you reflect back on some of things you used to do.

That is great. No, seriously, it is! You want to keep developing as a person, honing your skills, making wiser choices, and progressing in life.

And chances are, by much the same token, there will also be points from years past that you look back on and feel immensely proud of yourself for doing.

Think of it as a bit of nostalgic yaying and naying, if you will.

32. Go outside. Often. Really often. Really, really often.

I sincerely understand that access to the great outdoors is easier to come by for some of us than others and, likewise, that not everyone is keen to do their best Bear Grylls impression.

Nor do you have to! Science backs up the immense importance of spending even just small pockets of time outside and the value that doing so imparts to our overall well-being.

Whether nature looks like sitting out on the deck of your 15th-floor big city apartment, walking your kids to school along a rural road, enjoying a good book on the beach, or any other positive scenario, try to spend time outside on a regular basis.

It can do wonders for your mood, provide inspiration, stir up old memories and create new ones, bolster your spirituality, and help to remind you of the vital link between humanity and the natural world that quite literally keeps us alive.

(Note: Exceptions to this point are, of course, made in cases where spending time outdoors is either limited or simply not possible due to things such as medical reasons or being incarcerated.)

33. Try to do at least one thing daily that will make your future better. This doesn’t have to be something massive by any means, but the impact such actions may have on the bigger picture of your life can be.

Countless options fall under this broad header. It could entail setting aside 15 minutes for daily mindful meditation, giving yourself an evening of self-care each week, getting up an hour earlier to exercise before starting the work day, breaking away from toxic people in your life, forgiving yourself (and/or others), doing volunteer work, finally tackling a project you’ve been procrastinating over, writing 1,000 words of your novel each night before bed, or anything else that stands to help make your future brighter, healthier, and/or more enjoyable.  

34. Do not lose sight of a person’s intentions. Tony (my husband) has, as many of us do, certain wise statements that he says periodically. One of which is that a person’s intentions often matter as much (or more) as their words.

While it is entirely possible for someone to try and whitewash manipulation, gaslighting, deception, or other negative actions behind claiming that they had good intentions, it can often be quite easy to lose sight of the bigger picture and not value or understand when someone was genuinely doing something kind/caring/thoughtful with no malintent behind it.

Even when someone’s actions or words may seem (or be) negative, at times there can still be a kernel of positivity or goodness behind them. Not always, of course, but sometimes for sure.

Try to look at the situation through their eyes, not just your own. Assess the bigger picture of what led them to do or say what they did, and remember that almost no one will treat you the way you want every single time you engage with them.

35. Take pride in an honest day’s work. I do not care if you are a housekeeper, a brain surgeon, a kindergarten teacher, or the president of a Fortune 500 company. A hard, honest day’s worth is something to be proud of.

Respect your own work and, every bit as much so, that of other people. Someone’s worth is in no way measured primarily by their pay cheque or job title, and the moment you start believing that it is, you need to have a serious heart-to-heart with yourself and check that mindset pronto!

36. We are, as Ram Dass wisely said, all just walking each other home. In other words, go easy on your fellow human beings, try not to sweat the small stuff, and remember that everyone is fighting their own battles.

Most are trying and doing the best that they can with the skills, resources, knowledge, and abilities they presently possess. Be kind and civil, and never forget that death finds us all sooner or later.

37. It is not so much what happens to us in life, as how we respond to it that matters most. Exceedingly rare is the life lived without heartache, trauma, stress, challenges, or even the unthinkable occurring.

And while it can be scarily easy to get stuck in a state of victimhood or to use something unfortunate as an excuse to not move ahead in life, that is no way to live.

Vent, process grief, try to heal, learn from hardship, and embrace the remarkable resilience that is innate in just about all of us.

Believe me when I say that you can get through almost anything, no matter how dark the moment may seem, and that you never know just how strong you can be until difficult circumstances push you to the extreme.

38. Love.

Love often. Love hard. Love freely. Love wisely. Love for all the right reasons and none of the wrong. Love not because you expect it (or anything else) in return. Love when it is easy and, especially (circumstantially speaking, naturally) when it is hard.

Love because tomorrow is in no way guaranteed. Love for those times when you longed for it but came up empty or lacking.

Love because there is so much pain and hate in the world that could, if we finally collectively got our act together and smartened up, be greatly lessened by an abundance of love.

Love as an example to others. Love in remembrance of those who have loved you but are now gone. Love because it is free.

Love because it makes your life better. Love to help and to heal. Love for the ways in which it inspires both yourself and others.

Love who you are – or, if you cannot do so at present, vow to work at it until doing so comes as naturally as breathing air.

Love when times are good and when the going gets tough. Love for the joy it imparts and the way it makes both you and the receiver feel.

Love your interests, love places, love pets, love learning, love sharing, love the first crocus of spring and the last jewel-toned leaf of fall. Find so many things to love that you quickly lose track of them all.

Love because, for all we know, it might very well be the meaning of life. Or at the very least, a profound way to add meaning, worth, and beauty to our lives and those we bestow our love upon.

I look forward to many more truths yet to come

The moment I stop learning or stop growing as a person is the moment I should pack it all in right then and there.

The universe houses an infinite amount to be learned and experienced and none of us, no matter if we live to fifty, eighty, or a hundred and ten, can ever do more than lightly graze the merest of surfaces on those fronts.

And so it should be. Life is not forever – though our souls or the energy we are comprised of may be.

Like the title and main verse of the 1977 song We’re Here For a Good Time (Not a Long Time) by the Canadian rock band Trooper reminds us, our time on this planet is far too short not to try and make the best of things when can.

Embrace the positives, acknowledge and process the negatives, and try your darnedest to routinely have a good time on this wild ride called life.

And on that note, my sweet friends, I will wrap up here for now. The electric mixer is calling my name and before I can heed its beckoning, I have an annual birthday tarot/oracle card spread to lay out in front of my now 38-year-old eyes.

I will indeed be striving for a good time today and encourage you all to do the same, no matter how close or far away you currently are from your own birthday.

Thank you for being here with me and for the 2.5+ awesome years of blogging we have already shared together. I can hardly wait to experience the next year of my life with all of you as well.

Okay, it is time to go pull some cards, bake a scrumptious dessert, and bask in the glow of a rather sizable number of birthday candles.

The post 38 of The Most Important Truths I Have Learned in My 38 Years of Life (Shared on My 38th Birthday) appeared first on Witchcrafted Life.

Summer afternoon, summer afternoon; to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language. — Henry James

This week is the first of summer. A season that, while not always the easiest to bear unless one lives for the heat, is utterly and completely gorgeous.

I can relate to the estimable Mr. James’ words – though might personally swap “fall afternoon” in for summer.

Though, that said, I have a deeply rooted love of summer and find many positives in the languid days of scorching sun, verdancy aplenty, outdoor living, and nights of enveloping, bathtub-like warmth that makes one feel extra glad for the blessing that is life.

Before we get too far into the season of ice cream cones and sandcastles, however, let’s pull up a folding camping chair (or a comfy hammock) and sink into enjoying some of the most inspiring, informative, or just plain interesting links that crossed my path during the spring of 2021.

(As well as the lowdown on some of what’s been transpiring in my own life over the course of the season that just was.)

Magick, Witchcraft, Paganism, and Spirituality

–DIY Crescent Moon Incense Burner: From fellow Canadian witch, Breawna, comes this lovely, wonderfully easy to follow along with video that shows you how to make a crescent moon-shaped incense burner with a mere handful of basic crafting supplies. The end result is both beautiful and functional, and would make for a fantastic homemade gift to boot!

–DIY Magickal Slow Cooker Candles: No matter the season, candles are a mainstay in our home and in my witchy workings. Big or small, scented or unscented, white or coloured, handmade or store-bought, candles are always welcome under our roof.

I love finding new ways to make or utilize candles, and while we don’t currently own a slow cooker/crockpot/Instant Pot, should one enter our lives again, I’m delighted to have this awesome DIY tutorial for making magickal candles in a slow cooker at the ready.

Should you have a slower cooker, and enjoy creating your own candles, this looks like a really fun and rewarding DIY project to whip up.

–Do Something Witchy Everyday: The message that drives this post is one that aligns greatly with my own practices, which often centre far less on OTT or complex workings and rituals, and much more on feasible, enjoyable, and diverse forms of everyday witchcraft.

If you’ve been looking to up your witchy workings or just need some ideas for meaningful ways to connect (all the more) with your witchy daily, swing by this I, Medusa post written by Anna Mist and be inspired.

–How to Officiate a Handfasting Step-by-Step: In many parts of the world, mid-spring to early fall is seen as wedding season, as nuptials proliferate during the sunny months.

If you’re fortunate to be in the position of being able to officiate a handfasting ceremony, or are looking to find someone to officiate your own handfasting/Pagan wedding, this informative post on the subject from the beloved witchery blog Moody Moons is just the ticket.

–How Spirituality Benefits Highly Sensitive People: Spirituality is a profoundly personal and important element of many peoples’ lives, and while certainly, by no means, the sole domain of highly sensitive individuals, those who identify as such often find immense benefit, comfort, and meaning in their spiritual journey.

This look at the subject was recently shared on the superb HSP-focused website, The Highly Sensitive Refuge. It resonated with me, just as I suspect it will with many of my fellow spiritually inclined HSPs and empaths.

–The 25 Most Important Witchcraft Books Ever Published: Whether you concur entirely with the list of entries on this engaging post from Jason Mankey (himself a renowned Pagan author) or not, chances are you will appreciate the significance and importance of each witchery related title highlighted therein.

I definitely did and, in the process, really appreciated the fact that Mankey arranged his list chronologically, thus further helping readers to understand all the more just how influential these books have been on multiple generations of witches over the years.

–20 Powerful Herbs for Protection: Like many a magickally inclined soul, I do my fair share of protection and guarding work. I’m a trusting person, but am far from naïve and I know that there are many forces at play in the world that we can use some extra protection against.

If protection magick strikes a chord with you as well, this helpful look at 20 Powerful Herbs for Protection is an excellent resource on the subject that feels all the more at home as we embrace the fresh greenery-filled season that is summer.

Card Making, Scrapbooking, Paper Crafting, and Other Crafts

–Crocheted Succulents Free Pattern: For those who are fortunate to possess crocheting skills, this free pattern for eye-catchingly wonderful crocheted succulents is bound to find favour – especially if also have a green thumb, enjoy green witchery, or simply swoon at the sight of succulents.

–DIY (Paper Crafting) Jewelry Box Tutorial: As someone with an immense fondness for jewelry, it may come as no surprise that I’m also rather partial to jewelry boxes that can house my beloved wee collection of beads, baubles, and brooches.

The idea of creating one’s own jewelry box is really appealing to me, so when Graphic 45 recently shared a handy tutorial detailing just that, I bookmarked it for myself and knew I wanted to share it here with all of you as well.

Beyond serving “just” as a jewelry box, this project could be used to store any number of small items, from thimbles to dried flowers, crystals to marbles – and can be customized to your heart’s content, depending on the materials that you employ.

(And speaking of Graphic 45, I really like this beautiful summertime perfect beach-themed mini album that was shared on their blog a few days ago.)

–DIY Terracotta Essential Oil Diffuser & Car Air Freshener: My recent Litha season post, 15 Essential Oils That Are Perfect the Summer Solstice, has put me in even more of an essential oil mood than usual (which, given my passion for this subject, is saying a lot! ).

Combine essential oils with a fun DIY project and I’m there faster than you can say “take a whiff!”

If these are topics that tickle your fancy (not to mention your olfactory sense) as well, be sure to check out Cintia’s fantastic tutorial on how to make your very own DIY terracotta essential oil diffuser and car air freshener.

–DIY Summer Wreath from a Straw Hat: A sizable smile spread across my face the moment I spied Patti’s wonderful tutorial for making a strikingly pretty summer wreath from a straw hat.

Like many who experienced the 1980s and early 90s firsthand, I well remember when decorative straw hat home décor was having a serious moment.

Indeed, straw hat wreaths hung both in my family’s home and in those of multiple relatives for many years. I even had one in my own bedroom for a few years during my early childhood.

It’s fantastic to see this charming way of dressing up classic straw hats finding favour again (I suspect that the recent trend for #cottagecore and similar aesthetics is doing its part on that front).

If you’re keen to rekindle a trend or to experience straw hat home décor for the first time, follow Patti’s lead and adore your home with an attractive DIY straw hat wreath.

–Easy DIY Earrings You Can Make on a Budget: Fun fact, I’ve been creating handmade jewelry since I was a child and had a fun little side business selling handmade nickel-free jewelry for a time during my teens and early adult years.

While the arson fire that we experienced back in 2016 completely destroyed my stash of jewelry making supplies, my love of this endlessly versatile (not to mention, practical) art form has never left me.

Little by little, I’ve gathered a few jewelry making materials again and hope to continue to do so as time goes on.

One needn’t have a plethora of supplies (or a lavish budget) to create wonderful handmade jewelry. A few basic items, some inspiration, and a desire are usually all it takes to do just that – as the more than 40 projects highlighted in this terrific post over on the Mod Podge blog amply demonstrate.

–How to Setup a Portable Craft Space: As awesome as it would be for every crafter to have a large, roomy space in which to craft to their heart’s content, the fact of the matter is that for many of us that simply isn’t feasible.

Naturally, lack of space for a big craft room shouldn’t prevent one from getting their creativity on all the same.

And by the same token, sometimes even those with their own craft rooms, shed sheds, etc enjoy having a portable crafting station elsewhere in their home (say in the family room or den, for example).

If you’ve been curious about how to set up a portable craft space that can be placed wherever is most convenient/functional for you in your house, I highly suggest checking out Bea Valiant’s great photo-filled post on how to do just that.

–Zippered Pouch Tutorial (Using Scrapbook Paper): Ever looked at some of your favourite papers or cardstocks and thought that they’d look fabulous as a zippered pouch?

Whether the answer to that question is yes or no, chances are you’ll be intrigued and inspired by this lovely tutorial shared by Split Coast Stamper member Betty Traciak which shows you how to do just that.

Just think of the endless possibilities, from gifts to practical storage, holiday and home décor to an instant conversation starter at your next crop!

What’s Shaking in My Life and On My Radar

Where to begin?

I’ve thought about this portion of this very blog post many times over the course of the past several weeks. In a sense, there is a lot I want to say, and yet perhaps even more that I would prefer to keep to myself for the time being.

As those of you who follow me on Instagram may have noticed, I have not been on IG (which is my primary social media platform) much at all in recent weeks.

There have been various reasons for that, with two in particular accounting for the lion’s share of why this has been the case.

First and foremost, in recent months I have been dealing with some perplexing and challenging new medical issues that are (true to form a lot of the time when it comes to my health) proving very difficult to unearth answers/diagnoses for.

At present, I am not going to go into specifics publicly about these issues – especially until I have some solid answers as to what it is that I am actually contending with.

On top of the physical issues themselves, this newest medical battle (for those readers who may not know, I have been a multi-chronic illness fighter of more than a dozen different chronic medical conditions for twenty years now) – and the frustration, stress, and uncertainty that comes with fighting tirelessly for a diagnosis – is having a substantial impact on my mental health.

Between the physical and mental challenges, what little (personal) time I have been able to carve out online has mostly been devoting to blogging.

Thus far, much to my surprise at times, I have been able to keep up with my usual pace of at least one blog post here per week. While I accept that either by choice or circumstances, there may be times when that isn’t feasible, I hope/plan to continue on at that pace this summer.

Compounding matters and much to my great unhappiness, the severity of what I am dealing with on the health front at the moment has meant that my initial plans of launching my ASMR YouTube channel this spring didn’t even come close to happening.

I am fully committed to this long-held dream and will do everything in my power to create content and get that channel off the ground as soon as I realistically can.

At this point, I don’t know when exactly that will be. I really hope it can happen in 2021.

If not though, I will just keep trying even harder for it to happen the following year (and will continue to keep you informed here and on SM as to when that exciting event occurs).

The second primary reason is a lot more positive. Long story short, several weeks ago now, my husband and I put in a bid on a contract job to create the ecommerce website for a local outdoor goods store here in town and were very fortunate to win that bid.

This project is labour heavy for both of us and on a very tight deadline. As such we’ve been devoting a great deal of time over the past couple of months to this job.

It isn’t complete quite yet, but is definitely getting a lot closer. Very exciting!

Aside from those two points, which are, I’m the first to say, quite different from one another, some of what’s been happening around these parts include…

Having central air installed in our house. We live in one of the hottest regions in all of Canada (case in point, multiple days next week are forecasted to reach highs of 40 – 44C/104 – 111F) and have struggled a fair bit to live in a house without this feature since moving into our current abode in early 2018.

Thankfully, the installation went smoothly, quickly, and without any complications.

As anyone who has had central air installed in recent years will no doubt tell you, this is not an inexpensive job at all – which is the main reason it didn’t happen right out of the gate when we moved in.

Tony and I feel that the cost is well worth it though for the quality of life and health benefits it brings not only to us, but to our precious dog (Annie) as well, and know we made the right choice in having central air installed in our house.

By pure coincidence, on the very same day that installation happened, I received my first Covid-19 vaccine.

I registered for it as soon as my age bracket (those under 40) became eligible to do so and was told I’d receive an email prior to the end of May informing of when and where I could book my first shot.

In the final days of the month, I did indeed get that email and then proceeded to book the first slot on the first date that was available to me.

Not being the world’s healthiest person, I was a tad concerned regarding how my body might handle the vaccine. I am (very!) happy to report that aside from a minorly sore arm and a bit of lethargy for about 72 hours afterwards, I didn’t experience any issues (let alone serious ones) from the shot.

I was told by the nurse who administered my Covid vaccine that I should be contacted by the provincial health system in about 6 – 8 weeks regarding when I can book my second shot.

It is such a positive feeling to know that I am partially vaccinated and that in getting my shot, I am continuing to do everything I can to not contract nor, moreover, risk spreading this terrible illness.

So, assuming all goes to plan, I should get my second shot in the later weeks of summer and will thus be vaccinated in full by the time my very favourite chapter of the year (autumn) rolls around once more.

We’ve just covered a lot of ground and as I don’t want to keep you here reading until fall does in fact return, without further ado, let me jump right into sharing some of the various links that stood out for me during the spring of 2021.

–Exquisitely Designed 2,000-Year-Old Roman Shoe Discovered in a Well: Boasting skilled handiwork and a design that would put it seriously on-trend to this day, it’s hard not to stare and marvel at the beauty of this exceedingly rare archaeological find.  

–How to Compliment Someone Without Mentioning Their Looks: As much as many people enjoy receiving positive words about their appearance, not everyone is equally comfortable with these kinds of comments and, moreover, there are countless other things to complement most folks on besides “just” their physical appearance.

This Wit & Delight entry explores the subject of non-physical appearance focused compliments and provides an array of terrific suggestions for what to say instead.

–Listen to Random Radio Stations from Around the World: At the end of the 1970s, British new wave/synth-pop group the Buggles made the line “video killed the radio star” an instant classic with their eponymously named song.

By the dawn of the twenty-first century, one could easily state that the internet had, in turn, usurped the video star (at least as far as the music industry is concerned).

However, while fewer of us may tune into the radio daily than we once did, this world-changing form of media is, in truth and very happily, far from dead.

If you’re in the mood to sample a station (or dozens of stations) from around the world, then make your way across the world map on this website until you find one that is a – *cough, cough* – hit with you.

–9 Things to Try if You Hate Social Media But Don’t Actually Want to Quit: Whether you loath SM or just find yourself feeling seriously burned out or “over it” at times, the practical and supportive tips in this post are ones that stand to benefit just about everyone who opts to engage with social media.

–Plants Might Be Helping Each Other More Than Thought: The world plants and the profoundly interconnected relationships shared between many species fascinates me greatly. For all we know on this subject, there are untold volumes more that remain to be discovered – as this captivating look at how certain plants may in fact help, not compete, with one another demonstrates.

(Another Phys.Org post that recently caught my attention was this fascinating story about the recent discovery of a 3,000 Year Old Shark Attack Victim.)

–What Would a Truly Wild Ireland Look Like?: Once, in a time now long past, I called Ireland home for the span of a couple years.

Make no mistakes, Ireland is everything and more you imagine it to be and is a country with an extraordinary past that deserves our respect and research alike.

Like many corners of the globe, Ireland – for all of its pastoral farmlands, rolling hills, and windswept shoreline – is not quite as wild a country as it once was.

This thought-provoking BBC post by Chris Baraniuk asks us to imagine what a truly wild Ireland might look like and explores the feasibility of rewilding the landscape of this majestic nation to a greater degree.

–Why a Clutter Free Life is an Intentional Life: I am not a minimalist, nor am I a maximalist. I can exist quite contently with very little or with a fair bit more, but no matter what volume of belongings fill my home, I cannot abide by clutter.

I weed out clutter at every turn, thankful that organizing and (possession) purging are both tasks I sincerely enjoy.

Having long believed and experienced (the fact) that a clutter-free life feels, and is, all the more intentionally lived, this lovely post on the subject reverberated with me.

Its message is one most of us can connect with, especially if we also find our lives, minds, and spirits tend to feel and work their best when clutter is kept as low as possible.

Summer Lovin’

In the late hours of a July night so warm it gave furnaces everywhere a run for there money – and which would break into a rapturously loud storm before dawn had broke – I came into the world nearly thirty-seven years ago now.

And while there is no hard and fast rule that says a person has to love the season into which they were born, I adore mine with even more fiery passion than that of the sun which fuels the vibrancy of summer itself.

I am a lover of all seasons though. Each is a kindred spirit, a treasured friend, a vital element of life itself.

Summer is wild and outgoing. It beckons us with notes of Coppertone, grilled foods, fresh-cut lawns, and the siren’s song of sultry, unforgettable warmth.

In summer, I find, it is often easier to forget our troubles. Or, if we cannot banish them from our mind entirely, at least (it becomes) a touch easier to navigate their waters.

I would venture to call summer the most chill of season. It is laidback and cool. Enigmatic, yet wildly and wonderfully familiar.

Summer begins in a sea of green life and concludes with the first lag of the harvest season.

In many parts of the globe, summer bridges the chilly portions of the year, has an inherent air of playfulness to it, and will be yearned for something fierce when – to quote the classic holiday season song Good King Wenceslas – snow lays round about, deep and crisp and even.

At the moment, the world is beginning, in some respects to rebound from the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic. This heartbreaking illness is still with us though, still causing new cases to develop daily, still impacting countless areas of our lives.

Like most people, I hope dearly that by this time next year, the pandemic will be over. The realist in me might not place any bets on that being the case, but my optimistic side holds onto hope with gusto.

Just as I hope mightily that at least some of the medical challenges I am currently experiencing personally will be less of an issue by this time next year. (Fingers firmly crossed!)

No matter what obstacles, curveballs, or stresses life throws my way, that fact autumn is now less than three months away injects some serious happiness into my days and makes getting through difficult times more tolerable.

Summer doesn’t too shabby a job of that either. From Canada Day on July 1st to my birthday later that month, Lammas in early August to simple everyday warm weather pleasure, this is a positive and life-affirming chapter of the year that gives many of us a lot to enjoy and feel grateful for.

So, my dear friends, let us tackle whatever summer may hold, make the most of these sizzling hot days, do our best to overcome difficult times, and know that, no matter what (north of the equator), summer always leads to fall’s return.

If that isn’t worth raising a glass of ice cold lemonade to, I don’t know what is!

Happy summer, everyone! May you have a safe, sunny, and seriously enjoyable season!

The post Spring 2021 Edition of Magick, Crafty Makes, and Me appeared first on Witchcrafted Life.

In the fifteen months since this blog began, I have had the pleasure of reviewing several books on an array of Pagan, witchy, wellness, and history related topics.

Writing each of those posts and sharing my thoughts on various titles with all of you has been a wonderful joy.

However, no book review post shared here thus far has been quite as meaningful, happy, or exciting an experience as this entry.

The Modern Witch’s Guide to Magickal Self-Care was penned by my dear friend and fellow witch, Tenae Stewart.

I had been reading Tenae’s blog (The Witch of Lupine Hollow) for quite some when our paths first directly crossed on Instagram a few years ago.

Aside from being passionate witches with a desire to support others in their own magickal journeys, Tenae and I quickly discovered that we had much in common (including, under different circumstances, both losing homes in devastating fires).

A friendship struck up quickly and for a time, I had the pleasure and honour of being a guest writer for Tenae’s site.

As Tenae’s focus shifted somewhat online, that position ceased organically. Happily, our friendship only continued to flourish and when Tenae shared with me that she would be writing her first book, I was elated for (and very proud of) her.

Released in the autumn of 2020, Tenae’s inaugural book is a beautiful, insightful, and highly informative journey into the connections and overlap inherent to the realms of self-care and witchery/spirituality/magick.

Self-care is a topic that is very near and dear to Tenae’s heart and which she had been writing about online for some time prior to this book’s release.

To my mind, she was a truly natural fit for a book like this. The end result (which I will review here before sharing ten interview questions that I recently asked to Tenae) is a by far one of the most helpful and engaging on the market today about this important area of wellness.

Book Specs:

Name: The Modern Witch’s Guide to Magickal Self-Care: 36 Sustainable Rituals for Nourishing Your Mind, Body, and Intuition

Author: Tenae Stewart

Page count: 240

Publisher: Skyhorse

Binding: Hardcover

A welcoming, knowledgeable exploration of Magickal Self-Care

Before I hop into discussing The Modern Witch’s Guide to Magickal Self-Care, I want to emphatically state that my friendship with Tenae did not in any way influence my review or the rating I assigned to this book.

Nor did the fact that I had the honour of being asked to read this book before it went to print and, in turn, to pen one of the review statements provided on the back of The Modern Witch’s Guide to Magickal Self-Care.

Rest assured that no matter if someone is a total stranger, a close friend, or anywhere in between, I will always provide wholly unbiased and honest reviews.

One of the first thoughts that struck me when I finished reading The Modern Witch’s Guide to Magickal Self-Care was how it was hard to believe that this title is “just” 240 pages long.

Let me be clear, I am saying that as a very positive thing.

This book, which is divided into ten different chapters, is solidly packed with insight, guidance, support, journaling prompts (such as those pictured below), and a vast array of knowledge pertaining to spirituality and self-care.

While Tenae is a fellow witch and this book has definite witchy/Pagan currents running throughout its whole. However, I did not feel that it was glaringly or overpoweringly witchy to the point of not being of potential interest and benefit to those who may be more broadly spiritual or who beliefs lie elsewhere.

In The Modern Witch’s Guide to Magickal Self-Care, Tenae guides readers through some of the steps they may wish to take as they start (or deepen) their self-care practice.

Rituals and spellwork, astrology, divination, nature (including the phases of the moon), The Wheel of the Year, and kitchen witchery are amongst suggested ways to embrace self-care in your daily life.

The magickal self-care methods set forth in this book are not overly complex or challenging. They have a friendly, approachable, down-to-earth quality that makes them both accessible and appealing.

Tenae encourages readers to take inspiration, if so desired, from her suggestions, but encourages us to create our own unique and highly meaningful spiritual self-care practices.

And not only that, but she acknowledges that life is not always sunshine and roses and that, sometimes, it can be downright difficult (if not impossible) to make self-care and/or our spirituality the number one priority in our life.

This is something I feel witchcraft/Pagan authors sometimes fail to address in their books, which can then have a tendency to make it seem as though most witches spend unending amounts of time fully immersed in the witchiest of activities ever invented, rarely if ever putting the wand and herb jars down.

In reality, this simply is not true for most folks. By addressing the fact that we will have off days, down times, rough patches, and hardships to handle in life our lives, Tenae’s suggestions and guidance become all the more grounded in both real-world flexibility and practicality.  

Her tone is wise and empathetic, understanding and supportive. At times Tenae shares elements of her own life and spiritual path to highlight the self-care approaches she lays out.

Much as with the gorgeous colour photos of Tenae herself that are peppered throughout this book, so too are these intimate connections with the author a welcome and inspiring element of The Modern Witch’s Guide to Self-Care.

How The Modern Witch’s Guide to Magickal Self-Care rates with me

Self-care is something that I believe in deeply and happily promote whenever possible.

I am no stranger to books on self-care, be they of the magickal/witchy or more mainstream variety and have read quite a few titles in this field over the years.

The Modern Witch’s Guide to Magickal Self-Care stands out amongst the pack.

Approachable and teeming with diverse, inspiring, genuinely useful ideas to help you build your magickal self-care practice, this book stepped up to the plate and hit a home run straight out of the ballpark.

If self-care as it pertains to your spirituality, or really, even just in general, is something that you make a point of focusing on or want to become better-aquainted with, I highly recommend picking up a copy of The Modern Witch’s Guide to Magickal Self-Care.

I’ve read this book three times already, taking Tenae’s well-informed insight and handy suggestions to heart each time I connect with this title, and am sure I will continue to revisit The Modern Witch’s Guide to Magickal Self-Care often in the months and years to come.

Working on a scale of 1 – 5, with five being the highest possible rating, I would give The Modern Witch’s Guide to Magickal Self-Care 5 stars out of 5.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Interview with witchy author, spiritual coach, and self-care expert Tenae Stewart

Recently, I posed ten interview questions pertaining to the topics covered in The Modern Witch’s Guide to Magickal Self-Care with Tenae.

Her answers, much like her book itself, abound with terrific insight and attainability and drive home all the more why Tenae is one of modern witchcraft’s brightest leading lights.

In your own words, could you please describe who you are, a bit about the path that led you to witchery, what areas of witchery/Paganism you are currently focused on, and the witchcraft-related world that you’re built online?

My name is Tenae Stewart and I’m a practicing cottage witch, an astrologer, a spiritual coach, and a published author.

I started practicing witchcraft about ten years ago, although I had been interested and read a lot about it before that. My magick has always been very grounded in the seasons and moon phases, but as a cottage witch, the center of my practice is my home, sanctuary, and sacred space.

Creating spaces that feel magickal, that honor the seasons, and that express who I am is a cornerstone of my witchcraft and self-care practices.

I also work with astrology, tea and herbalism, oracle cards, spirit guides, and a few other modalities of magick and healing. 

In my work, I help modern witches embody simplicity in their magick, rituals and self-care practices so they can create rituals that fit effortlessly into their real, daily lives. I really believe that when we can simplify our practices and focus on what is most fulfilling to us, that we can have the magickal experiences all the time that many of us desire – and that we deserve.

Time, space, and energy are major obstacles to many witches who wish they could practice more consistently and confidently. I help them find the time and space within their real lives to have that, without sacrificing any of their obligations.

I work with modern witches on many different aspects of their practices but the core of what I do is focused on the seasons, moon phases, and astrology, as well as intuitive practices like dream work and divination.

When did you really start to make self-care a key component of your life and magickal journey? 

I think that it always was, although I didn’t really have those words to describe it until the past few years. But the key moment was after I lost my home in a wildfire in late 2015.

I had actually not been practicing witchcraft for about two years at that time, as I had given it up when I transferred to university, thinking I no longer had the time or energy to practice, (something I hear so often from my clients and community).

But after the fire I realized that I really needed that spiritual anchor once more and that I needed a soft, supportive, nourishing practice to carry me through the grief and trauma I was navigating at that time. That was when I recommitted to my path, reclaimed my inner witch, and started on the path that led me to doing this professionally.

To your mind, what are the core pillars of a successful self-care practice? 

I work with five essential core pillars of a magickal self-care practice, what I call the Pillars of Divinity because they incorporate elements of both the divine masculine and divine feminine. These pillars are the mind, body, intuition, nature, and devotion and they’re designed to help us create self-care practices that are holistic and that nurture all aspects of ourselves.

A well-rounded practice includes elements that nourish our mind and mental health as well as our physical body, which are both sometimes left out of spiritual practices. Simultaneously, it also includes practices that help us connect with our intuition, (which might be divination, dream work, meditation, etc), and that help us connect with nature through the seasons, herbalism, getting outside, etc.

Finally, one of the most important elements is devotion which is where we reflect on what matters most to us in life and in our spirituality and then be sure we are taking regular, intentional action on those things. This might be the worship of a deity, which is what a lot of people think of when they hear devotion, but it might also be health, self-love, activism, a relationship, or anything else that really lights you up. 

I also believe that shadow work is an essential component of both magick and self-care and always recommend witches start there when beginning a new practice or ritual!

Astrology is very near and dear to your heart, and it figures extensively throughout your book. Is there anything pertaining to self-care/self-love and astrology that you’d like to share here, which did not appear in the book?

I did touch on this in the book but it’s always worth emphasizing – one of the most important parts of your chart for understanding your self-care needs is the moon.

Your sun sign is the sign you probably know easily off the top of your head and it is an important part of who you are – in fact, it’s the source of your joy and that makes it an important part of your self-care too. But the moon represents your inner self, the part of you that you don’t always share with others and that can feel very personal and private.

Understanding the sign and house that your moon activates will help you create a self-care practice that is deeply nourishing, not just surface level. 

Why do you think that some people have an aversion to the concept of self-care? Do you feel that, as you touched on in the book, a modern sort of “bubble bath” mindset that the media has perpetuated in regard to self-care is part of the reason why self-care is off-putting or seen as too “woo-wooish” to some folks?

I actually think that the “bubble bath” mindset has made self-care somewhat appealing to the general public but less so in spiritual communities because it seems surface level or inauthentic. Sometimes in the spiritual community, whether that’s specifically witchcraft or more “woo” in general, we have a tendency to think that if it’s not deep, dark shadow work or an outright confrontation of society, that it’s not worth doing.

There has been a big backlash in recent years against the “love and light” folks who have committed some really rampant and harmful spiritual bypassing. And it is true that just taking a bubble bath is not going to solve anything in the larger scheme, nor is it necessarily inherently magickal.

However, I do think that there is a balance to be struck – as long as we are also doing the shadow work and taking the bigger actions, then pampering our bodies and finding truly deep relaxation are going to support those larger goals as well. 

In your book, you often address those who are newer to self-care and/or may be struggling on this front (and/or with their spirituality in general). This is awesome, of course, and will be of help to many people. What advice or suggestions would you give, however, to someone who is a self-care veteran and who is presently doing great from a spiritual standpoint? 

This is a great question! I think that we have a tendency as self-care veterans or as advanced practitioners of witchcraft to think that we always need to be learning and growing and, of course, there is some truth to that.

It’s important to always be learning new things and not to get stagnant. And yet, I think there has been a bit of a capitalist infiltration of our thought process in this way, because if things are going great, we don’t always know how to believe or accept that. We both doubt ourselves and our own fulfillment and think we always need to be productive.

I know that when my rituals have been at a place where I’m being super consistent with them and they feel really inspiring, sometimes I don’t really know what to do with myself because I think I need to be always figuring something out.

So for those who are veterans and who do feel great about their spiritual and/or self-care practices, I would encourage you to really revel in it – relax into the peace instead of trying to fight it. There will always be time to shift and learn something new in the future!

While your book has not been out for very long yet, a tremendous amount has changed in the world since its publication. If you were writing the book today, in the midst of the pandemic, would have changed anything or included information that isn’t present in this edition? 

Yes, I finished the manuscript just a few weeks before the pandemic lockdowns began in my area, so the book really is not informed by the current state of the world. Although, I do think the timing of its release could not have been more serendipitous with so many people in need of more self-care and mental and emotional support than ever.

I don’t think I would have changed anything, per se, but if I were writing the book now, I would certainly speak to the added challenges of shared spaces, isolation, and how those things can shape and influence both our need for and ability to practice self-care. 

And to that end, what advice would you give to fellow witches and spiritually focused individuals in general as we continue to face this ongoing global challenge? 

The biggest thing is just that we need to continue to be gentle with ourselves, to remember that we are living in unprecedented times, as much as we are all a bit sick of hearing that.

Our self-care is extra important right now but sometimes it’s also self-care to skip your rituals for a week and to just forgive yourself for needing that time and space. 

Where do you see the field, so to speak, of self-care going in the next five years? What about in twenty-five years from now?

I think we’re going to continue to see a lot of growth and focus on self-care, especially as we begin to emerge from the pandemic, with all the conversations going on right now about maybe continuing to work remotely and the changing landscape of work and healthcare.

I think we’ll see more and more intimate opportunities to connect with one another and to nurture ourselves socially, as we’ve all seen how detrimental isolation can be, even when it’s absolutely necessary.

Twenty-five years from now… if we continue on the trajectory of the last five years, I think we could see self-care, spirituality, and intuitive work taking the center stage alongside traditional mental and physical healthcare, especially for women+ and femmes. 

Can you share five simple, effective things with us that most people could do right now to incorporate more self-care into their daily lives?

1. Reflection. We cannot create effective practices unless we know what is currently working for us and what is NOT. 

2. Light a candle. Candlelight adds so much magick and softness to any ritual, no matter how small. 

3. Look up at the moon. An awareness of the cycles of the seasons and the moon phases is an ancient, natural way of tracking our own cycles. Looking up at the moon and noting what phase she’s in is such a powerful way to also check in with yourself. 

4. Track your time. Knowing how long it actually takes you to get ready in the morning or how you can best utilize your lunch break, for example, is so helpful in creating practices that fit into those in-between moments in our lives. 

5. Plan for changes. No one practice is going to be effective forever. Plan to adapt your rituals and practices on at least a seasonal basis, even if they seem perfect right now – things change! 

Thank you very much for sharing your time, insight, and magick with us, Tenae. The spiritual community is blessed to have you and your work in our midst.

If you would like to get to Tenae further or to work with her in a professional capacity, you can connect with her via:

–Website: The Witch of Lupine Hollow

–Podcast: Empowered Modern Witches Show

–Instagram

–Pinterest

–The Empowered Modern Witches Facebook Group

And, as a final and very exciting note to cap off this book review + author interview post with, my heart is once against overflowing with happiness as I share with you that Tenae will be writing a second book.

The Modern Witch’s Guide to Natural Magick is slated for release in the spring of 2022.

Rest assured, dear readers, that you can bank on me – a devoted practitioner of nature magick – being amongst the first in line to read and, hopefully, review this title as well.

I can hardly wait!

Have you read The Modern Witch’s Guide to Magickal Self-Care? How does self-care factor into your spiritual path?

The post Author Interview and Book Review: The Modern Witch’s Guide to Magickal Self-Care by Tenae Stewart appeared first on Witchcrafted Life.

“There are only four kinds of people in the world. Those who have been caregivers. Those who are currently caregivers. Those who will be caregivers, and those who will need a caregiver.” – Rosalynn Carter

These words – succinct and starkly true – spoken by a former First Lady touch on a subject that many of us will have firsthand experience throughout our lifetime.

I’ve worn the shoes of each of these four roles at various points in my own life and I know that I am far from alone on that front. A good number of us are in one or more of those very roles at any given moment.

No matter how fiercely independent and self-reliant I am, as a multiple severe chronic illness warrior (a topic that I touched on recently in my detailed post Tips on How to Handle Social Isolation from a Long-Time Multi-Chronic Illness Fighter), there is always a degree of needing a caregiver involved in my own life.

To what extent that need exists has varied and changed many times over the years, but it is ever-present and I am profoundly grateful to those special, compassionate souls in my life who are able to provide me with assistance, support, understanding and care.

I’ve also had quite a few times when I myself was also a caregiver. It’s a position I’ve been experiencing again recently, as my husband has been contending with some serious health issues of his own pertaining to his kidney health.

In February, he underwent an emergency operation in Vancouver that left him virtually bedridden for quite some time, followed by another surgical procedure for the same issue a few weeks later at a hospital closer to where we live here in the interior of British Columbia (our small town itself does not have a hospital).

Tending to my honey is a meaningful honour and something I do with a heart full of love and every ounce of energy I can devote to this important job. However, be it nursing Tony or anyone else that I’ve looked after throughout my life, I know firsthand how difficult being a carer can become and the toll it can easily create on those in this rewarding, yet often challenging, position.

In this post, we’re going to explore self-care tips for caregivers coupled with some magickally and spiritually centered ideas for those who take it upon themselves to look after others in this capacity.

What is a caregiver?

While it would be easy for me to wax poetically about what it means to be a caregiver and how we shine our light, love, energy upon those we are deeply connected to, for now, I will get down to brass tacks and give you a more prosaic definition.

When we’re speaking in terms of nonprofessional and (often) unpaid individuals, a caregiver is a person who provides care for another human or animal (today’s post will focus on carers who tend to other people, though the same points largely apply to those looking after the health and well-being of animals).

There are countless possible scenarios in which one may become a caregiver and nearly as many different people that may be in need a carer themselves.

Some of the most common people that others (again, in a non-professional capacity) care for include:

-Infants and children

-Life partners and spouses

-Parents

-Grandparents

-Siblings

-Other relatives

-Close friends

Generally speaking, individuals who are not paid for the care that they provide are referred to as family caregivers or informal caregivers.

I’m not too keen, literal though it may be, on the latter term though, as I feel the word “informal” somewhat invalidates or diminishes the time, energy, effort, work, emotional, physical, and mental impact involved with caring for another person. As such, I will not be using that term from this point onward.

How many people are caregivers?

Globally, that is next to impossible to determine, but it’s safe to say that the number is sizable. A 2013 Pew Research study found that 36% of US adults provided unpaid care to others in the previous year.

With an ever-increasingly larger number of people above the age of 50, there is a high probability that we’ll a continued rise in this number throughout not only America but in many other parts of the world as well.

Who can be a caregiver?

The answer to this question is not as straightforward as it may seem on the surface.

While research shows that the highest percentage of caregivers are women, those of all genders can – and do – take on this role as well. Being a carer is by no means the exclusive domain of women.

Sometimes people volunteer to be caregivers, at other times, this position may be thrust upon them – potentially out of the blue (for example, if a loved one suddenly developed a serious medical problem, was in an accident, or while they’re recovering from surgery).

Unplanned or unexpected caregiving can be especially tough, at least initially, but all caregiving comes with challenges both for the patient and the carer alike.

Many people find caregiving, including unpaid caregiving, to be a rewarding and beautiful act, but that doesn’t mean it can’t simultaneously be difficult, stressful, demanding, exhausting, and life-changing.

Going into the myriad of potential challenges that being a caregiver can entail – from potentially needing to take time off from (or even quite) one’s job to managing another’s finances to providing hands-on medical treatment is beyond the scope of this post.

However, I want to acknowledge the incredible, compassionate work of those who are currently, previously have been, or may become carers in the future.

While looking after someone briefly may not be the toughest thing you’ll ever do, longer, more serious care may very well be one the most challenging and difficult roles you will ever take on in your lifetime.

It can feel and/or be thankless at times. If no one has said a heartfelt thank to you lately for your hard work and compassion, please accept a very sincere one from me here today.

Casual or part-time vs full-time caregiver

As these terms imply, being a casual or part-time caregiver usually means that this role is not an all-consuming, around the clock activity for you. While you may be someone’s ongoing carer for a long period of time, doing so is generally not something you focus primarily all day every day.

Fulltime caregivers generally provide extensive care on daily (or nearly so) basis, often for multiple hours of the day – if not throughout the entire day itself. This role can, and often does, become a full-time job with little to no monetary compensation.

Both part-time and full-time caregiving can be demanding and take similar tolls on those involved in this loving act, but those who are fulltime carers may, naturally, be at an even greater risk for experiencing health issues of their own as a result of caring so extensively for one or more people in their lives.

What is caregiver stress?

Even people who have a natural affinity for nursing, looking after, and otherwise tending to the needs of others are, at the end of the day, only human and like all humans, are apt to experience a limit to what they’re able to reasonably handle and cope with.

Caregiver stress – which, especially if it becomes an ongoing part of one’s life may be called caregiver stress syndrome – is characterized by extreme exhaustion that may lead to burnout.

This exhaustion can be physical, emotional, mental, and even spiritual. It may lead the carer to shift too much of their attention toward the person (or people) that they’re looking after and in turn neglect their own fundamentally important health and well-being.

Feeling overwhelmed, overworked, overburdened, extremely drained, pulled too much in multiple directions at the same time, unnerved, anxious, depressed, upset, frustrated, irritable, scared, alone, helpless, worrisomely uncertain, or stretched too thin are amongst other common signs of caregiver stress.

As well, some people may struggle to admit that they feel these kinds of ways and/or to reach out and ask for help in their role as a carer. This only stands to amply the issue and may lead to a person hitting the dangerous point of burnout even more quickly.

It is not uncommon for caregivers to develop new health problems of their own and/or to have existing medical issues flare-up, worsen, or otherwise become more problematic.

In many instances, caregiver stress can be managed and reduced when it is acknowledged, addressed and dealt with in a frank and open way.

Yet even when this is done, caregiver stress can still be a substantial ongoing challenge and one that carers and their loved ones need to be mindful of and routinely tackle headfirst as much as is realistically possible.

The suggestions that follow in this post are some ways that may help to counterbalance, at least to a degree, the very real impact of caregiver stress and burnout.

What are the signs of caregiver stress?

On top of those just mentioned, the following are some of the signs that a person may be experiencing caregiver stress.

-Cognitive difficulties including, but not limited to, experiencing brain fog, short-term memory troubles, having a hard time concentrating or remembering information, difficulty focusing, and struggling to multi-task as effectively as you could prior to becoming a caregiver.

-Changes in mood and state of mental health (depression and anxiety are both common amongst caregivers and may themselves help contribute to serious medical problems such as stroke and heart disease), including mood swings, crying more often or more easily than usual, and difficulty moderating one’s temper or other strong emotional states.

-An overwhelming and/or frequent sense of helplessness, uncertainty, and/or isolation brought on from the act of being a caregiver.

-Changes in sleep habits, particularly in terms of insomnia, nightmares, and broken or restless sleep. Live-in caregivers or those who look after people during the night may find that their sleep quality is poor and sleep itself sporadic, particularly if they wake up to tend to the needs of the person they’re caring for.

-Decreased immune system health. Weakened immune systems are a well-established hallmark amongst many caregivers. This is largely due to the impact that focusing so much of one’s energy, strength, thought, and emotional resources on another has on the human body.

-Changes in eating habits, including overeating, undereating, stress eating, or the development (or worsening of existing) eating disorders.

-Excessive or abusive use of alcohol, prescription or illegal drugs.

-Engaging in, or thinking excessively about, self-harm or harming others.

-Putting your own well-being and needs on the backburner all the time, possibly with associated feelings of resentment, frustration, anger, sadness, anxiety and/or depression stemming from doing so.

-Withdrawing from your usual actives, passions, hobbies, and social activities either due to extreme exhaustion, your own medical reasons, or feeling that you simply cannot leave the person you’re caring for in order to take some immensely needed time to focus on your own health and well-being.

-Feeling like you’ve lost (or are losing) control over your own life and (possibly) not knowing when or how you’ll regain control again.

-An increase in headaches, high blood pressure, colds, flues, other viruses, and spikes in existing medical conditions, often brought on due to a weakened immune system, serious fatigue, poor sleep and/or diet, stress, and mental health concerns.

Naturally, these symptoms can be caused by a wide host of sources as well, but if you’ve started to experience them or are experiencing them more severely since you became a carer, it may be possible that they’re the result of caregiver stress syndrome.

Seek medical help and address these serious health concerns as quickly as possible. It is dangerously easy for carers to soon find themselves in need of being cared for if they aren’t proactive in terms of taking care of their own health and well-being.

Is caregiver stress the same thing as caregiver burnout?

Full-on caregiver burnout often means that a person has reached a point where they are no longer able to care for someone else and potentially may struggle to meet their own basic care needs.

It is extreme form of caregiver stress and one that is apt to require some serious recovery in order to hopefully regain a greater sense of health, wellness, balance, emotional wellbeing, and positive feelings in one’s life again.

Ideally, caregiver stress should be minimized as much as is realistically possible and caregiver burnout should try to be avoided in every safe way possible.

If it does occur, it needs to be addressed and properly managed as swiftly as can be – especially is serious mental health challenges, such as severe anxiety and/or depression are involved.

Taking care of another person’s life should not put your own in jeopardy, no matter how much you love and want the best for that individual.

Please note: I am not a medical professional. If stress or burnout of any kind is a serious issue in your life, please seek advice and support from a doctor or other trained medical professional.

Ways to help manage caregiver stress

-Accept that no person is an island unto themselves and that we all need help, support, and encouragement at times. If your family and loved ones are not able to provide this, for whatever reason(s), speak to a medical professional, join a community support group for caregivers, seek support from those in your coven (or circle, grove, etc) if you belong to one, and/or, if financially possible, hire a professional health care worker to periodically look after the person you’re caring so that you can get a vitally needed break.

-Acknowledge and allow yourself to feel proud of your accomplishments and the hard work you’re doing as a caregiver. If needed or desired, write own three or more compliments to yourself and read or speak them aloud multiple times until you feel the impact and truth of their words.

-Shift the focus onto what you are able to accomplish instead of focusing (excessively) on what you may not be able to do or feel that you’re not doing well enough. If possible, delegate some of the areas that you’re struggling with, unable to do, or not able to do as much as you’d ideally like to one or more people. This can help you a lot because it means you’ve still addressed the situation, you’re just not the person who is actually carrying out the activity in question.

-Be kind to yourself and do all that you realistically can to take care of yourself, including eating healthily when possible, spending time outside, exercising (if feasible), engaging in calming activities, giving yourself well deserved chunks of “me time” on a regular basis, engaging in low-stress hobbies, and keeping in mind that, at the end of the day, we’re all human and that means none of us is perfect or immune to stress.

-Find and use, when possible, medical aids and supplies that help make things easier for both yourself and the person you’re looking after. It’s just amazing what alleviating or reducing a few caregiving challenges can do for the psyche, emotional and physical well-being of both parties.

-Do not lose complete touch with your usual social circles and activities. Let others, when appropriate, know about what you’re going through and why you may not be as present or active as usual due to the fact that you’re currently a caregiver.

–Connect with other family caregivers. Chances are plenty of people have been in, or may currently be in, similar situations to your own. Even if they haven’t, they may be able to relate broadly to the difficulties, stresses, concerns, challenges, and heartaches of being a caregiver.

Sometimes just having someone say that they sincerely understand your situation, as they provide a compassionate ear, can make a world of difference, restore some of your hope and energy alike, and give you the strength to keep going when things get extra rocky.

-Set realistic short, medium, and long-term goals for both the care of the person (or people) you’re looking after and yourself.

-Keep lists, update them as often, and consider periodically providing yourself with small rewards for completing a predetermined number of entries on your lists. This could include things like an hour of “do whatever you want online” time, getting a manicure, taking a hike, going to the movies, or, if possible, sleeping in on a non-workday, for example.

–Ensure that your own health does not fall completely to the wayside. Try to keep up with – or establish a new – healthy living routine, see your doctor regularly, exercise and eat cleanly when possible, get as much sleep as you can (easier said than done, believe me, I know!), make time to focus on serene activities, and try to find ways to engage with your spirituality on a regular basis.

-Knowledge is power and empowerment alike. Research, though, ideally, not to the point of obsessively, the health challenges of the person that you’re providing care for.

Read relevant books and magazines, visit blogs and websites on the topic, join Facebook groups, follow relevant hashtags on social media, follow boards and create your own on Pinterest pertaining to the health issues at hand, talk to experts in the field, and fellow caregivers of others with the same or similar health challenges – as well as other patients themselves.

-If possible, discuss your concerns in a caring, nonjudgmental or hypercritical way with the person you’re looking after. Naturally, this is not always feasible.

Infants, children, those who are unable to speak, sign or otherwise verbalize; people with memory loss, some brain injury patients, and others who are not able to currently carry out a responsive conversation or who are too young to be put in the position to address and respond to adult concerns will not likely be able to do so, of course.

People who were caring and loving before their health challenges arose or got worse may still be the same way now and as much as you’re worrying and stressing about them, they may similarly be concerned for you.

If you feel doing is appropriate, talk to the person you’re looking after, express some of your inner feelings and worries, and work together to come up with viable ways to address and tackle the points that you’ve just chatted about.

-Utilize some of the terrific self-care apps that currently exist, such as those on this list of 16 caregiver apps you should use in 2020.

-Accept help from others who offer it. Assuming the person in question is competent and realistically able to provide help in a way that is suitable for you and the person you’re looking after, jump at the offer. We all need breaks, days off, and a helping hand sometimes.

Though modern society in many parts of the world no longer operates on a small tribe, community or extended family basis of individuals who support one another and share the collective load of managing life’s many needs, some of us are blessed to still have one or more people in our lives who want to help us and who may offer (or say yes, if asked) to step in and shoulder some of the work involved with being a caregiver.

Keep in mind that help doesn’t have to necessarily mean that the other person looks after the individual you’re caring for. Help can come in many different and diverse forms.

It could mean someone prepares a week’s worth of meals for you, walks your dog, cleans your health, picks up the kids from school, gives you a reiki session or massage, offers to be your workout buddy, lets you know when they’re going to the grocery store and asks if they can pick anything up for you while they are there, makes you a care package, send you a “thinking of you” or “just because” card or gift, cut your grass, babysits for a few hours so that you can have some massively needed downtime, picks up your dry cleaning, wraps your holiday season gifts, drives you to and from place of residence of the person you’re looking after, or any number of other compassionate, thoughtful gestures.

-Accept and address the fact that if and when the time comes that you are no longer a caregiver, you will likely need to go through a period of adjustment, healing, connecting all the more with yourself again, and possibly grief, too (especially if the person you’ve been looking after has passed on).

-Establish a healthy self-care routine that you assess and adjust as needed on a regular basis.

What is self-care?

Though the precise specifics of what constitutes self-care will vary to a degree from one person to the next, broadly speaking, self-care means that you consciously acknowledge what you need on physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels in order to be as happy and healthy in realistically feasible ways and that you make focusing on those things a priority in your daily life.

Self-care asks that we each take charge of our own well-being as best we can. That we own our limits, make ourselves priorities, and learn to feel less negative about focusing on ourselves and what we require in order to feel positive about who we are and how we function in this world.

It is safe to say that self-care does not come naturally to everyone and even when elements of self-care are intuitive, we do not always choose to listen to what our inner dialogue is telling us we need.

Self-care invites us to make ourselves a priority, to address when we need a break or some help or simply a bit of time to ourselves.

As well, self-care is about empowerment and autonomy. The more we are able to be responsible for our own well-being and happiness, the greater quality of life we stand to experience and the less we’re apt to see ourselves as being helpless, not in control of our lives, or as victims of our circumstances.

While self-care has become something of a hashtag and buzzword de jour and not everyone shares the same opinions on what it entails and means (which is 100% okay, of course!), at the end of the day, no matter who you are, what your spiritual journey entails, and what elements comprise your daily life, we all need to look after ourselves in various ways.

Whether you choose to call this self-care or not is up to you personally. Just, I implore you, please make sure that you do take time to focus on your well-being on a regular basis. To honour your spirit, to heal, to recharge, to be calm and centered, and to make yourself as much of a priority as you would you most treasured loved one.

Self-care for caregivers

There are many different ways to practice healthy self-care. While we all share certain universal needs in order to stay alive and as healthy as possible (e.g., clean water, enough food, adequate sleep), what constitutes effective self-care can vary from person-to-person.

In this instance, we’re focusing on approaches that may be realistically doable for some caregivers. I acknowledge and understand that the complexities, difficulties and realities of self-care at the best of times, let alone when has taken on the role of being somebody else’s caregiver.

Please be kind and compassionate to yourself. Look for small, meaningful ways to fit self-care into your day (objectively, many of us could get in more self-care if we cut down on the amount of time we spend most days watching TV and being on our phones, tablets, and computers).

Aim to be at peace with the fact that your self-care routine does not need to look like anyone else’s and that you do not have to justify or explain your approach to self-care (assuming it is legal and does not harm yourself or others).

Experiment, find what presently works for you, routinely update your self-care regiment, and try not to obsess too much about self-care as that can quickly become counterproductive to what you set out to accomplish in the first place.

And remember that self-care is a bit like one of those trifold mirrors with a larger central panel that is flanked by separate, often smaller, panels on both the left and the right sides.

Self-care – can reflect and address certain elements of our past, it focuses substantially on the present, and it helps to set us up in a stronger, better equipped, more positive way for what lies ahead in the ethers of tomorrow.

-Listen closely to what your body is telling you that it needs. Sleep, more (or less) food, fresh air, medical care, more time to rest throughout the day, a chance to finally do yoga or read again for the first time in weeks or months?

If you don’t listen to the whispers, chances are they’ll grow louder and louder until they’re full-on screams that may prevent you from going about your normal daily routine until they’ve been addressed – or worst still, potentially until you’re rundown, sick, or genuinely burnt out.

-Make sure you stay hydrated. Simple as it may sound, drinking adequate amounts of water and other healthy beverages (e.g., green tea) is a key component to one’s overall health and well-being, while also supporting daily energy levels, gut health, and the condition of your skin.

-Engage in mindful breath awareness for 5 – 10+ minutes daily.

-Laughter really is an amazing medicine and it’s a wonderful component of self-care to boot. Letting yourself laugh, smile, and feel positive – even if those feelings are fairly short-lived – can have glowingly lovely impacts on our psyches, emotions, and daily lives.

Watch funny movies and TV shows, follow some humorous blogs, Facebook groups or Twitter feeds; catch a live comedy show, play humour based board games, call up a friend or relative and relive a funny event from the past, read a book of jokes – you name it! Smiles and laughter are the aim, how you get to that point is up to you.

-Relax, unwind, and help to combat stress by listening to guided meditations (apps such as Calm are wonderful for this), ASMR (which abounds on YouTube and can be found elsewhere online, too, including on the Tingles app), and soothing music.

-Get creative! You don’t have to sew the biggest quilt, paint the most impressive picture, or carve a stunning sculpture to connect with your artistic and creative sides. There are countless ways to practice mindful creativity, from adult colouring books to rock painting, whipping up paper flowers to baking, macramé to jewelry making.

Being creative is liberating for the soul and mind alike. It allows us to experience the process of birthing something new into being, lets us channel our energy and focus onto a positive and rewarding task, and is, hopefully, just plain fun.

-Put together a playlist of music that helps to foster positive moods, aids you to unwind or sleep, or conversely, pumps up your energy. Edit periodically, if needed, and don’t be shy about updating it either.

-Attend to your personal care and hygiene needs. When you’re in the throes of looking after others, it can be really easy to let these areas slide onto the backburner. They’re important though, no two ways about it, and can help you to feel more like your usual self.

-Just say no! So many of us – myself included – often struggle when it comes to saying no to other peoples’ requests at the best of times. If we’re already stretched thin, taking care of ourselves, our families, and one or more ailing loved ones, chances are we don’t have a lot of free time or energy.

Learning to say no in a straightforward, cordial way to requests that we can (realistically) turn down without feeling guilty about doing so is one of the most incredible, liberating, and empowering acts we can do for ourselves and our loved ones alike.

The challenges of being an empathic caregiver

I want to take a few moments to address the fact that those who identify as empaths, HSPs (Highly Sensitive People), Earth Angels, and other forms of extremely sensitive, compassionate, and caring people may experience their own added challenges when they take on the role of being a caregiver.

Empaths generally feel the pain, stress, emotions, fears, anxieties, and stresses of those we encounter in even the most casual of settings and relationships.

When we’re caring for someone that we hold especially dear to our hearts, these feelings are often amplified all the more and they can quickly and easily become profoundly overwhelming or all-consuming for the highly sensitive individual.

We have an innate desire to help, support, care for and look after those in need, in pain, and who are struggling in any way. Often, we want to alleviate someone’s suffering completely (or as much as possible).

The fact of that matter is, however, that frequently the kind of medical challenges that require a caregiver are beyond what even the most empathic of empaths to ever walk the earth is possible of alleviating from another person and this point can cause us great internal strife, stress and difficulty.

As well, medical settings such as hospitals, hospices, nursing homes, and doctor’s offices that not only have patients who are battling health issues in them at present, but which also house the lingering energy and emotions of scores of past patients, can be staggeringly challenging for empaths at times.

I am an empath myself and I always engage in serious shielding, grounding, and releasing work whenever I visit such a setting, whether I was there for the sake of my own health or someone else’s.

On top of the suggestions laid out in this post, it is vital that empaths routinely create shields and barriers of pure white light or energy around themselves, that they take time to ground and decompress at least once a day (if not more so), that they set boundaries for themselves with the person or people they’re caring for, that they allow themselves to feel and experience the full extent of their own emotions, that they ensure they have someone or someplace (e.g., a journal) to express their own feelings and thoughts in, and that they not be afraid to ask for help or time off, when needed, from their role of caring for another person.

Magickal approaches and handy tips for caregivers

Up until now, a lot of what this post has focused on has been quite broad and applicable to most of the general population.

As I know many of my readers are fellow witches, Pagans and similarly spiritually focused individuals, I’m going to share some of my top tips and magickal ideas for caregivers.

-Listen to your intuition. This is sound advice at all times, but when you’re in the position of being a caregiver, it can become all the more important because that wise inner voice may be telling you things not only about what you and your own body needs, but what the person you’re caring for requires as well.

I am not, in any way, suggesting that you go against doctor’s orders or decide to get all Florence Nightingale on things if you’re not a health care professional. Not in the slightest. I simply mean that sometimes our intuition will help to guide us as we care for others, aiding us in anticipating needs, reminding us of critical information, and supporting us as we make a wide array of decisions – not all of which will be a cakewalk – throughout the course of our time as a caregiver.

-Cleanse yourself, both literally and spiritually, on a regular basis. It is darn near impossible to be around anyone who is unwell in any capacity and not absorb at least a degree of the strong, often emotionally charged energy that they are giving off. You need to part ways with that in order to help keep your own spirit strong and healthy.

Smudging, cleaning baths and showers, moonlight cleanses, anointing yourself with charged (skin safe) oils, energy healing, and mindful chanting or drumming to help free stagnant and negative energy are just some of the ways to achieve personal cleansing.

-Start and actively use a gratitude jar. I firmly believe that gratitude is a worthwhile and beneficial aspect of life at all times, both when the chips are up and down alike. So often when things are getting extra rough, stressful or challenging, it can be easy to forget to give heartfelt thanks for the positive in our lives, as the negatives or problems often seem to overshadow them.

In reality, most of us have countless things to be grateful for. It can do our minds, hearts and souls a world of good to take the time on a regular basis to acknowledge those points that we gladly give sincere thanks for.

If a gratitude jar isn’t your cup of tea, try a gratitude journal instead, or simply make a point of giving thanks aloud (or in focused thought) to the universe, Spirit, any gods and/or goddesses you work with, or anything else that feels right to your path.

Cultivating gratitude and opting to look at life with an appreciative heart is, I firmly believe, one of the best gifts we can ever give ourselves.

-Create an altar, or devote space on an existing altar, that focuses on healing, hope, positivity, strength, and both life and death. While, hopefully, the latter will not come calling anytime soon, the reality is that death is a natural part of the cycle of existence for us all and it need not be seen as the ultimate fear or end to everything. The more comfortable one becomes with death, the easier it may be to accept when it does occur to someone we care about.

-(Yet, by the same token, try to… ) Do things that foster life. When you’re routinely focused on serious medical issues – be they your own or someone else’s – it can sometimes feel like life has gotten stagnant or worse, as though we only see the dark sides of existence.

Yet life, in the broader sense at least, continually renews itself in countless ways and the energy of these new starts and vibrant existences is a mighty force in our witchy self-care arsenal.

This could be anything from tending to verdant houseplants to watching for baby birds or other animals throughout the year, spending time on activities that benefit your health to launching a new project, blog, side hustle, community group or anything else that fills your spirit with that unmistakable thrill of life and the possibility of what tomorrow holds in store.

-Perform health positive magick for the person you’re a caregiver to. Magickal workings pertaining to health and healing are highly personal areas. I am a firm believer in keeping things relatively general on this front in most cases, unless someone has specifically asked you to perform a particular working on their behalf.

When such is not the case, I focus on workings that ask for the best health and least pain/suffering/discomfort possible.

While I do think that there is merit to healing magick, I tread lightly here as I know firsthand that there are innumerable medical issues that are extremely unlikely to vanish solely on the basis of even the most potent magick.

The last thing I’d ever want was to create false hope in either myself or, moreover, the person I was preforming the working for by claiming healing magick could miraculously cure or alleviate a serious medical issue (because, the fact of the matter is, that’s unlikely to happen in a lot of cases).

-Work with crystals that promote healing, serenity, rebalancing, strength, and stamina. Many different crystals and stones fit this bill, but broadly speaking, some strong picks across these different areas include clear quartz, rose quartz, angel aura quartz, celestine, turquoise, pink calcite, amethyst, blue lace agate, jasper, pyrite, selenite, citrine, desert rose, black tourmaline, larimar, and danburite.

-If you look after someone in a different location than your own home, consider carrying a small travel altar with you to work with when feasible. If you’re away from your house and usual sacred space for a good chunk of the day, a travel altar can be a wonderful and fulfilling way to connect with your spirituality and to possibly perform certain types of magickal workings.

Remember that anything you bring with you is apt to pick up energy from the environment, so be sure to cleanse, bless and charge your travel altar (and/or anything else of a magickal nature that comes with you) on a frequent basis.

-Work with your ancestors. A lot of the time, when we’re providing caregiving to others, it is focused on a member of our family (biological or self-formed). Who better to call on for support, guidance, love, and external energy than our ancestors?

Do not worry if you don’t have a family tree so chocked full of names that you know it could give Queen Elizabeth’s a run for its money. Whether we know our ancestors’ names or not, they know ours and you can connect with them all the same by calling forth those who came before you by words such as “my ancestors” or “the ancestors”.

Sometimes, you may find that in doing so names are presented to you in various ways. It’s okay if they are not, so long as you still feel or sense the energy of their presence, you can often work effectively with the departed.

-Nourish yourself with kitchen magick. Energy depletion is a very real component of being a caregiver. One way to help replenish some of what we lose is through the food we eat and the beverage we drink on a daily basis. By making kitchen magick a part of our meal preparation, we can help to recharge both or physical and spiritual energy levels at the same time.

-Share your concerns, fears, and other emotions with nature. While talking to humans is undoubtedly important and I’m not suggesting that nature alone could meet all of the ingrained needs that most of us have for person-to-person interactions, you might just be amazed by how incredibly empowering, uplifting, and beneficial it can be to speak openly about what you’re going through and feeling at the moment with nature.

While you can do so in a generalized way while outdoors, you may prefer to direct your conversation towards a particular facet of nature, such as the moon, a visible planet, a particular tree (possibly one with ties to healing or serenity), a beloved flower bush, a hearty herb plant, a favourite boulder, a meandering river, the sand on a beach, or another natural setting that feels right to you.

When you’ve shared all that you have to say with this natural setting and allowed yourself to experience the range of thoughts and emotions that doing so may have brought for (as well as any reply impressions or signs that you receive in turn), give heartfelt thanks to the area for listening to you and consider leaving an offering in the process (such as lovely stone, leaf, piece of fruit, or feather).

-Ground often. And speaking of nature, for the love of all that is magickal, if you’re caring for someone else and absorbing their energy, you will want to try to ground on a very frequent basis.

Grounding means to release negative or otherwise undesirable energy from your own body and soul into the earth, which is believed to be able to absorb and dispel this energy easily and effectively.

There are numerous ways to ground, but one of the most straightforward and commonly practiced is to visualize roots stemming from your feet and reaching into the ground beneath them. These roots allow the negative energy that you direct to exist your body and be absorbed by the dirt (or sand, etc) underfoot.

However you choose to ground, it is vital to unpack negative energy and invite serene, positive energy into your life. A buildup of toxic, detrimental, heavy energy rarely serves anyone well and is certainly not apt to allow you to feel as strong and positive as possible when it comes to carrying for both yourself and others.

-Use divination to help give you a clearer picture of your life and your abilities as a caregiver. From runes to tarot, scrying to reading tea leaves, connect with the divination method that feels most natural to you in the context of your role as a caregiver and engage with it on a regular basis.

-Look for, and implement, small, meaningful forms of everyday magick. I’m huge on everyday magick – indeed, I generally do far more of it than highly elaborate workings (it helps me to witch more effectively and enjoyably on a daily basis).

There is no limit to the number of ways you can work everyday magick. Numerous books have been penned on the subject (and no doubt more will be in the future, too), many blog posts and website articles cover it, and it’s an increasing popular topic on social media as well – all for good reason.

Look for, research and create your own personally significant everyday magick and allow it to bless your life and give your spirit added strength as you go about your daily routine.  

Being a caregiver witch

Nearly all of us embody multiple roles at any given time. We are witches and Pagans, and this part of who we are can be enormous or it can be more of a supportive player. That is up to each individual and their own respective path, plain and simple.

At the same time, we likely have roles within a family, our job or education, our social circle, perhaps within the community (e.g., as a volunteer), possibly in a coven or other spiritually focused group, those that relate to our passions and interests, and various other heading that we fall under.

Generally speaking, while many of us may prefer to identify ourselves by certain roles more than others, I think that a lot of the time, it is important to not let one or two completely overshadow all of the others – even if they’re roles we feel very positive about.

Just as when we ourselves are dealing with serious health issues, it can be easy to let the role of caregiver eclipse much our lives and begin to feel like it is dominating a huge part of who we are.

By continuing to engage with our spirituality – as well as other aspects of our lives – we can help to counterbalance this to a degree at least.

We can also find strength and meaning, comfort and hope in our spiritual paths, and that can be invaluable as we care for someone who holds a special place in our heart.

The duration that one may be a caregiver will naturally vary widely. It might be a week or two, a few months, multiple years or longer still.

The road will not likely be easy or straightforward. There will be times of tears and celebrations of the tiniest positives imaginable.

You will be tired and stressed and uncertain. You may feel helpless some days, but I sincerely hope that you also have many times when you feel empowered and capable, when you lean heavily on the strength of your own magickal abilities, your spiritual journey, and the interconnected energy of the entire universe.

Take things one day, one hour, one minute at a time, if needed. Be as kind and understanding with yourself as you are with the person you’re caring for, and remember to always tend to your own needs as well so that you can provide for others in as healthy, positive and empowered a way as is realistically possible.

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